Moe's Tavern

Hello, can I speak to mister Al, last name Caholic?
 Phone for Al..Al Caholic. Is there an Al Caholic here? Wait a minute...Listen, you yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are I am gonna kill you!
 Hahaha

 

Oliver Clothesoff! Call for oliver Clothes off!
Marge picks up extensions and hears
Listen, you lousy bum! If I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!
Oh my...Must be a wrong connection

 

Er, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody! I.P. Freely!
Barney: Ya sure do Moe! Hahaha! Buuuuurp!
Listen to me, you lousy bum, when I get a hold of you, I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!
Bart: Hahahaha

 

Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!
Oh...Wait a minute...Jacques Strap...
It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt!

 

Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz! Oh, wait a minute...
Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna cut out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!
Hahahaha!

 

Bart in Skinner's Office calls Moe:
 Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come one, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!
 Homer: Don't look at me!
Oh, no...
You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
 Skinner at the other end of the line:You'll do what young man?

 

Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
Listen to me, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick!
 Hahahaha

 

Uh, hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and...I like to kiss my own butt!

 

Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!

 

Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?
Barney: You sure do!
 Oh, it's you isn't it?
Listen you, when I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head as a bucket and paint my house with your brains!
 hahahaha

 

Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
 Barney: Maybe your standards are too high!
You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who your are, I'm going to shove a saugage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!

 

Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle? All right everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!
hahaha

 

Moe is a substitute teacher in Bart's Class
Ok, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no say "present".
Ahem, Anita Bath?
 Students laugh
All right, settle down, Anita Bath here?
 More laughs
All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
 Still more laughs
Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well children, I can't help that!
Moe runs out of the classroom crying as Bart crosses Moe's name off a list of now former substitute teachers.

 

Mr. Burns: I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Wayland?
 Oh, so you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Wayland, is it? Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm goona putt out your eyes and stick'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!

 

Homer with Lisa: Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura.
Eura Snotball?
Homer: What? How dare you! If I ever find out who this is, I'll staple an American flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!
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